When Chronic Illness and Anxiety Go Hand in Hand During the Holidays

If you believe the majority of Facebook posts, greeting cards and annual newsletters, then you believe that the holidays are a time of unadulterated joy, peace and merriment. They are a time to connect with loved ones, to eat and drink too much, and to fill our love tanks to overflowing. That all these good things leave us recharged with enough love and energy to launch us well into the new year, a fresh start, and a clean slate.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that these things don’t exist, for I have experienced many of them and I know that most of my personal friends genuinely do too… at one level or another.

But I also know that for a huge chunk of them, through this holiday period, there are more triggers than Christmas lights, more forced or lost interactions than loving or warm ones, more work than pleasure, more heartache than joy. I also know that in the name of not wanting to spoil the mood or fun of everyone else, they put on their “happy masks”, hide their fears, speak nothing of their anxieties and pretend to be “just like everyone else”. And those are just my healthy friends.

In the chronic illness community I have spent more of my encouragement energy the past few weeks on this than any other topic. Anxiety often goes hand in hand with chronic illness and the lethal cocktail of high happiness expectations, financial commitments, energy sapping activities…. with low spoons, tons of triggers, large crowds, more and more hype each year than the one before, and no wonder the words that I hear more than any others, are anxiety, panic, and worry.

The holidays aren’t over yet and I wonder where all the “self care” that I kept hearing about this year went… Self-care has been a totally new concept to me and I went into December with no intentions of giving any of it up, at a time when I knew that I would actually need it the most. So why do I feel somewhat like the last soldier standing? Why have some of the strongest chronic fighters I know crumbled? I believe that it is because society is not yet ready to let us be vulnerable at this time when we are supposed to be nothing but both thankful and merry.

I know that people are all trying to do their best, but the reality is that we still live in a world where it is not cool to say no at a time like this. We can be sore and sick and struggle the rest of the year, but at this time we are all expected to put aside our illnesses, forget about our traumas, pack away the fallout of our abuse or neglect. No one wants to know about our grief or our losses. No one wants to see our open wounds or the scabs that are barely beginning to heal.

At this, the most anxious time of all for so many people, when we need extra love, support and care, we often get it the least. Anxiety is soaring right now and the holidays aren’t over yet… Give yourself that self care that you taught me this year guys, I know you need it :)

Full Source: disableddatingclub.com

Sexuality and disability

Many students with disabilities have been told they will never be able to have a relationship or engage in sexual activity.  Other students have been told they will not be a good match for relationships or they have “more important things to think about” other than sex.  Sometimes students have been told they should feel “lucky if someone wants them” or they are not capable of being a sexual being.  Other students have histories of frustrating interactions and/or relationships with others and don’t feel as though they are in control of how their disability affects their experiences. 

 

Disabled Dating: List & Reviews of Disability Dating Sites – Disabled World

: List & Reviews of Disability Dating Site
Dating is defined as a part of human mating process whereby two people meet socially for companionship, beyond the level of friendship, or with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple. While the term has several meanings, it usually refers to the act of meeting and engaging in some mutually agreed upon social activity in public, together, as a couple.

– By joining a local dating service, rather than an online dating site that lists worldwide members, you have a far better chance of finding a compatible male or female close to home – rather than finding your ideal mate happens to live on the other side of the world!

The experiences of people with disabilities has shown that the basic human need to form close relationships is as relevant for PWD as it is for humans without a disability.

– Disabled dating websites and disability personals reviews including online dating tips and advice for those with disabilities seeking friendship love and romance.

 

 

Easter Seals | Love, Dating, Relationships and Disability

We’re exploring in many forms with first-hand accounts from the frontlines of dating, marriage, intimacy and friendship, all with people living—and loving—with disabilities or challenges like long-distance romance.

 

Does it seem more difficult to find love if you have a disability? Many of our interviewees said that, at first, yes. (Of course, when is it ever easy, right?) But they all agreed that once people talk and get past questions or concerns, love is love—sometimes it’s messy but mostly it’s marvelous. And these stories show it.

 

When was the last time you exercised your brain? Our Train Your Brain Challenge is proven to help improve memory, enhance problem-solving skills and much more.

 

My Boyfriend Has A Disability, Our Relationship Doesn’t | BlogHer

And how it manifested for him.  As time went on, my feelings started to grow for him and started really caring about him deeply. But I still had my concerns:  What would people think about my disabled partner? What would my family say? What if people stare at us when we’re out on a date? How can I support him when he needs me?

when it came to dating a disabled man that I was worried about – it was other people’s reactions to my choice that really worried me. In some ways, those concerns were warranted because many people don’t understand what it means to date a disabled man, they don’t have real conversations about it, and they end up making very wrong assumptions about my partner and me.

We were following each other during that time, then one day tweets turned into GChat conversations, and GChat turned into Skype dates. When I moved back to DC last summer, we took it offline and soon after started dating. He was even cuter in person, funny, smart, intriguing, and he happened to be disabled.

 

 

EasyStand Blog | Disabilities + Relationships

Finances are a point of contention in most relationships. Are you able to work full time? Are you on a fixed income from disability? While money isn’t the end all be all in life it is needed to pay bills and provide for the future. Are you and your partner on the same page about future goals? Do you wants a large house and family? Are you able to support this plan financially? Having dreams is awesome but financial planning needs to be realistic and based on what is available to you now. Your chances of winning the lottery are quite slim.

 

Family planning is an important conversation to have regarding your future and a disability. Are you physically able to get pregnant naturally? Will you have the resources or insurance coverage for medical intervention if needed? Surrogacy and IVF are very expensive and if children are something that is essential to your happiness then you need to think about how this will be achieved.

 

Are you wondering how having a disability will affect your ability to have a long term relationship? There are some aspects that will change but it doesn’t change the love that you and your partner share. The best way to tackle these obstacles is head on with an open line of communication from day one.

 

The Undressing Disability Campaign | Enhance the UK

People often hold the misguided notion that disabled people can’t, don’t or won’t have sex. There is a stigma that unfortunately is often internalised by disabled people who often suffer with self esteem problems as a result.

 

Issues around sexuality and sexual frustration are frequently raised by disabled people who feel that they have less opportunity and ability to explore their sexuality than others.

 

Having a disability can be a very isolating experience. As well as physical barriers, there is still a huge amount of prejudice towards disability amongst the general public.